1. The inescapable or implacable agent of someone's or something's downfall.
Yup, that sounds about right.
Okay, so am LDS. (Ha! As if you hadn't figured that one out!...even though I haven't figure out how to put a link on here to the Churches, website, at least a pretty link with a nice picture, how I want it).
And I try to be good. This does not mean I am oblivious to the never-ending list of sins, weaknesses, and general character-flaws, lapses of judgment, and flat out wrong choices I have, that I constantly am trying to use the Atonement in my life to overcome.
But that's not what this is about. This is about my general desire to "be good".
This means I listen in general conference and try to apply the counsel.
Some counsel if apparently easier for me than others. Date nights with my husband, all over that. Family home evening, family prayer and scriptures, at times challenging but I have a testimony of them and know they're important, so we do them (our last FHE lesson was on the trampoline and lasted about 3 seconds, but we did it!) Even things I've had excuses for in the past, like food storage, we have bucked up and at least started.
But then there is the counsel, that for some reason, whenever I think about it I feel paralyzed: gardening.
Since our first year married I have told myself, just start small. A cute little garden box with lettuce...and every year nothing. Not nothing grows...but I DO NOTHING.
Maybe it's because I come from a little village (yup not a small town, it is classified as a village...which is just slightly bigger than "hamlet" for those of you who mistakingly refer to places with populations in the thousands as "small") where EVERYONE grows immaculate and HUGE gardens. My own grand-parents (not LDS, by the way) had TWO gardens, each as sprawling and well producing as the other. I have multiple pictures of me as a child propped up on various prize-winning produce(not sure if I was there to add human interest, or just used to show the scale).
I have childhood images of these giant pumpkins, and never-ending zucchinis, and the most delicious fresh peas and carrots. I think I also have memories of all the adults always in their gardens, planting, weeding, watering, harvesting....which my adult mind I think has converted to the reality of a WHOLE LOTTA WORK!
Which, I search my soul and ask, "Soul, are you just lazy?"
But I work hard at a lot of things...but I kinda like results.
Childhood memory number two: We had to plant something for school. Not even sure what was suppose to grow in that little Styrofoam cup of dirt( "I call it cup of dirt!...if you're gonna read this blog you better go listen to the comedian Brain Reegan on youtube, or a lots gonna go over your head:). Well guess what I grew? A weed. Yup, the only thing that sprouted after my toil and nurturing, was a weed. I think that was a defining moments for me. Where I decided the green thumb of my grandparents lay dormant in my DNA, and maybe I would pass it on to my posterity, but for me it just wasn't gonna happen.
Well, that's all fine and dandy until your a good mormon-girl trying to be good.
I had lots of excuses, but deep-down I knew they were all just cop-outs. I made an off hand comment to my husband about it, to which he replied (in that beautiful, exaggerated way he always does, that makes me realize the silliness of my thought-pattern VS what I actually believe) "Nope, we're not good mormons", to which I, almost involuntarily responded defensively (like I tend to do) "The Lord doesn't give us commandments just to give us more things to do! He gives us commandments FOR US, because He knows they will bless us!"
When people make excuses about scripture study or temple attendance, all I can think is "But don't you realize how amazing those things are! Don't you know what your missing out on!"
Long story short: I grabbed my brother (who's living with us for the summer, which is pretty darn lucky for me, seeing as my husband's work requires him to be gone traveling 4 days a week and on his phone 24/7....see? totally good excuses...no husband to help me plant a garden!)Okay so I grabbed my poor brother, a shovel and some potatoes i had forgotten about that had started to sprout in the pantry, and we threw them into the flower bed my kids had trampled in the few short months we've lived here.
Done and done. I'm a gardener.
Who knows if they'll grow. And I probably could have done a little raised garden, with little labels for the cute little rows, but as my Releif Society President is often quoted as saying
Doing something is better than nothing.
"And while it wasn't much, it wasn't nothing."
So if you have that one commandment, you just can't seem to get yourself to follow...my advice? Figure out what your pre-concieved expectations are about it, smash em, and just do what you can do. ( not "just do your best"...hate that phrase, cuz I can always conjure up a better standard of "best" for myself).
My mission president and his wife had a sayging for their family,
"Anything worth doing, is worth doing poorly."
Go ahead, read again, it wasn't a mis-print. Sometimes we get so hung up on having the perfect family home evening lesson, that we don't have one. Or we ignore a prompting to visit someone cuz we don't have any bake goods on hand to take to them (my wise, wise friend, just keeps a case of chocolate bars, for just such an occasion...though I have learned that even though sweets are good, sometimes, a hug is enough). Or because we can't fill our food storage pantry immediately we don't go ahead and just buy one can extra to start.
Learning anything, takes practice, and always involves a period of not knowing how. Having to learn, which means mistakes ( I think I planted the potatoes too close), and not-so-perfect outcomes (I probably won't get too many potatoes). Sheesh, I've been thinking about starting a blog for years...but I didn't have the time/knowledge/or skill to make it as cool-looking or as clever-sounding as other peoples, so I just didn't do it.
But sometimes the blessing don't some in the results, but in the process, and discovering that you can do things you thought you couldn't. Like writing a blog, or tossing some old potatoes into the ground.