The queen of retraction emails hits again.

If church callings we're a job, I'd be fired by now.
But they're not. They're places to grow. Right?


Well apparently I like to let everyone see my growing pains.
Nope there's certainly no guise out there that I "have it all together".
Without going into all the ridiculous details, I will just say, I make a lot of mistakes.


I send emails to the wrong people. I've sent out blank emails by accident. My efforts at delegation, combined with my poor communication skills (ask my husband, he'll attest, I'm a good talker, but if there's actually information to be conveyed I'm in trouble!) turn into jumbled messes ( you shoulda scene the tangle of confusion our ward Christmas Party program was in!), and inevitably lots of apologies. 


Doesn't help that a lot of my calling happens at church, where I'm simultaneously suppose to get McKye to go to nursery (he still cried today and we're a week form sunbeams!), make sure Aaron and those working with him are okay in primary, heft my heavy baby around, right through nap time, with bags of church supplies and diapers, all the while trying to make sure all the sisters feel loved and "not forgotten"...because I truly do feel the Lord's love for each and everyone, and I hope every once in a while they feel it through my scatter-brain-ness!


Today, because Ben is still out of town,  I got myself and all three boys ready, and got to church on time! Only to discover I had NO snacks. I quickly imagined an hour with no pretzels and decided to make a run for it. Plunked Levi on a pew with a friend, handed Aaron off to his angel of a primary worker, grabbed McKye who I was too worried to leave...he really enjoyed running in the church halls actually...ran home and grabbed snacks and still made the sacrament hymn.


Except that meant I was returning just as they were announcing callings. Which because I was hoping for a relief society pianist, I was thrilled when I heard a pianist announced.


I tried to quickly send out some coordinating emails after church (while my kids slept in the van having fallen asleep while I drove around delivering Secret Santa assignments...that I hope I didn't mess up)


Finally I had a moment to take care of some calling stuff!


As my kids woke up (mad, cuz their still in the car) my Relief Society president calls me and informs me I've just sent an email welcoming who I thought was the new pianist, when it ...
she 'd actually been called to ply piano in Primary!!!


Yet another "retraction", "sorry I'm such a doofus" email.


Oh well. 


I think though if your gonna try and grow and stretch, you're gonna mess up. A bunch.
I think back to a time when, it would have been much harder for me to shrug off my mistakes. 
When I would internally berated myself, and be so discouraged by my incompetence and basically felt like a failure.
I've prayed and worked hard to try and be more forgiving of myself. 
And how has the Lord answered that pray, you ask? 
By giving me so many, many opportunities to mess up and practice forgiving myself.


Keeps me humble, (sometimes humiliated, but mostly humble). 
Which is important when trying to serve the Lord and His children.


We all know "whom the Lord calls, the Lord Qualifies"...but He never said immediately. 


It just goes to increase my testimony of this work even more. 
Seriously, can you think of another organization anywhere that could survive the type of constant turnover the church does? If it wasn't true, people like me would have messed it up a long time ago.


But we just keep trying. And growing. And occasionally messing up and sending out retraction emails. 


And then we get to hear a beautiful lesson, or testimony, or see sisters loving and taking care of each other. And all the details melt away in the glory and brilliance that is this gospel.


I'm so privileged to participate in His great work; the Saviour that loves us through all our mistakes and weaknesses and can clean up any mess we make.

This all reminds me of Pres. Uchtdorf's council to forget not to be patient with ourselves:

I want to tell you something that I hope you will take in the right way: God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect.

Let me add: God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not.

And yet we spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others—usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths. This drives us to create expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet. As a result, we never celebrate our good efforts because they seem to be less than what someone else does.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

It’s wonderful that you have strengths.

And it is part of your mortal experience that you do have weaknesses.

God wants to help us to eventually turn all of our weaknesses into strengths,¹ but He knows that this is a long-term goal. He wants us to become perfect,² and if we stay on the path of discipleship, one day we will. It’s OK that you’re not quite there yet. Keep working on it, but stop punishing yourself.

Dear sisters, many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself.

In the meantime, be thankful for all the small successes...Our journey toward perfection is long, but we can find wonder and delight in even the tiniest steps in that journey.