Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Dreaming of fullness

I recently began reading the Book of Mormon again (Ben is a really good example to me, he's always lapping me)

At the end of the first chapter (1 Nephi 1:20) I have always written the word "THESIS".

My english background, made me pay attention to Nephi's words "I will show you...", basically he's saying this is my whole purpose on writing.

"I will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance."

MAKE US: change us, increase our capacities, not a passive "here you go" help, but a grace that not only aids but builds and affects who you are!

deliverence from?
sin, effects of sin, regret, guilt,
doubt, fear, hopelessness,
individual weakness: impatience, indecisiveness, negative self-talk, temptation to compare

To deilver me from myself, unto my POTENTIAL.

From my natural man tendencies, reactions and "default" modes--to become a Saint through Christ's power, to be like Christ--to be full of love. 

For Christ-like qualities, like love, gentleness, meekness, to become my default!

Even when I'm tired, even when I'm "fed-up!"

I can become MIGHTY in my own endurance, in my temerance, in my long-suffering, in my godliness.

With these ideas in my head, I started posting my Relief Society lesson on dreams.
And it hit me, one of my "dreams" is me.

A better me.
A me who pushed through to who I could and was meant to be.

My dream is about becoming.

Conversely, my greatest frustrations in this life come from my own falibalness. My dream is to become like Christ. To think and feel and react like He would. To have the peace not of "perfection" but of those made pure, refined. The purity of His love, the singleness of His mind and purposes. No pride mixed in the motives, only love. 

That's MY dream. To be full up of love.

On Sunday I was "re"set apart, still as a counsellor in Relief Society but with a new President. I loved sitting there and hearing the blessings of the other sisters. The President was told she was "full of humility, and full of kindness". The other councillor (and having known her a bit now I thought this could Not be more accurate!) was told she was full of goodness, full of service, full of goodness."

I joked with Ben that I'm just "full of it", but than realized I'm very much still filling up, and I'm so grateful for the example of "full" women to teach and guide me. 

In the book Mary, Martha and Me, Camille Fronk Olsen paraphrases the Apostle Paul who taught of the fruit "of the flesh". She describes them as including "a sense of inferiority, pride, impatience, dissatisfaction, jealousy, and contention  (see Galatians 5:19-21) But as we read on in verses 22-23, ont he other hand we have the fruits of the Spirit, "love, joy, peace, longsuffering  gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, [and] temperance." Those good qualities those sisters through serving in the Spirit had "filled up on".

I've been thinking a lot about my "defaults", unfortunately the "fruits of my flesh"...my bit my tongue moments, or "the last straw, flying off the handle, the in-a-nut-shell my "not my best moment" moments (Sadly he ones Ben always seems to be around for! I'm try so hard all day and by the time he gets home I feel so spent)

I was reading in Daughters on My Kingdom (pg 46)
Sister Eliza R Snow said that the Holy Ghost "satisfies and fills up every longing of the human heart, and fills up every vacuum. When I am filled with that Spirit, my soul is satisfied, and I can say in good earnest, that the trifling things of the day do not seem to stand in my way at all.But just let me lose my hold of that spirit and power of the Gospel, and partake of the spirit of the world, in the slightest degree and trouble comes; there is something wrong. I am tired, and what will confort me? You can not impart comfort to me that will satisfy the immortal mind, but that which comes from the Fountain above. And is it not our privilege to so live that we can have this constantly flowing into our souls?"

Flowing in and filling us up, changing us.

Filling us with its fruits and freeing us of the trouble (not the challenges, not the hardship but just some of the trouble we cause ourselves by our reactions).

Oh to live up to our privileges!  To have that Spirit with us, to fill and fulfil us. To deliver us from ourselves, and through His mercy make us mighty.

Nephi's thesis. My dream.  A long process. But doable, day by day, relying on that Spirit.

So here goes another day...