(Discourses of Brigham Young, pg 392.)
My battle happens in my mind.
Somedays I feel like I'm loosing the battle. And my mind.
But when I'm honest with myself I usually know what's wrong.
My prayers and scriptures. They are the source, the foundation, they are everything, and without them influencing and "putting off the natural man" (Mosiah 3:19) I am left to myself.
me with the Lord, pretty amazing...strong, energetic, capable.
me without Him, pretty pathetic...weak, unmotivated, full of paralyzing doubt and fear.
I have always loved this quote from President Spencer W. Kimball:
“I find that when I get casual in my relationships with divinity and when it seems that no divine ear is listening and no divine voice is speaking, that I am far, far away. If I immerse myself in the scriptures the distance narrows and the spirituality returns."
That was were the quote always ended.
But today I found an additional sentence:
" I find myself loving more intensely those whom I must love with all my heart and mind and strength."
Back in my pre-mother life, me having a bad day didn't affect too many others.
Now, me being crabby, angry, easily frustrated and volatile sure effects my kids. Poor things.
I spent the morning loosing it on McKye. Thanks goodness they still love us, despite us.
For me, making sure to put in effort to maintain my spirituality is not a "extra", I can't (and don't) do what I need to do without His help. Left to my own, I kinda suck. (how's that for putting it poetically?).
Last week in Sunday school we were discussing "Grace"
We read in the bible dictionary
"It is...through the grace of the Lord that individuals through faith in the atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance of their sins, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means."
I didn't hear the rest of the lesson, just thought about that concept the whole time.
It's not grace and good works, they are both needed simotanesouly. We can't "maintain" goodness without grace's assistance.
If I'm doing good, feeling kind and loving and acting nice to my family and others, it's because of grace.
To be "gracious", isn't something I can train into myself, or set goals or modify my own behaviors and emotions. It's a gift. It's a result of coming unto Christ.
So if I want to be good and kind and loving (and I do)
I need to come unto Christ each day.
Otherwise I will not be able to maintain, I will be left to my own means. I'll be alone. And, once again, I will suck.
With His grace though?
Even be mice to my kids.