Saturday, August 31, 2013

The Weird summer my husband was home

The first summer I became a mom, my Benny worked til 2 in the morning.
I haven't celebrated our beginning of May wedding anniversary on our anniversary, since the first one.
Two summers ago he was gone...hmmm...May...and September... and half the days of the months in between.

Now, I'm not complaining.
In fact, I'm pretty darn proud of myself for figuring out what could of been (and was really) a pretty tough thing.

And then somewhat  in response to my hinting"if things don't change your gonna hafta find a new job!" (subtle huh) Ben took a pay cut and they hired a co-regional to work beside him.
He couldn't have picked a better guy (even more of a workaholic than MY husband--shocking right?!!)
And things really have eased up. That and a few changes about the way travel gets reimbursed and suddenly I find myself with a husband sleeping beside me in our un-air-conditioned therefore sweltering bedroom.  And...

It's weird.

Please don't interpret this as me not loving my husband. Because I do.

But I got good at my single-parent-summers. We had a groove and I feel like all summer I've been just a little thrown off.

It's what I wanted. It's the change our family needed. The boys have adored having more Daddy time.

But I just haven't quite figured it out. And I know at the twilight of summer when I'm finally putting my finger on it a bit (just in time to forget before next summer!)

The reality it when Ben was away, it didn't matter if the house was a disaster, or if the laundry was behind (we were just putting our swimsuits back on and heading out again anyway). It didn't matter that we rarely even thought of dinner and ate out of the cooler lakeside or ransacked it for leftovers while we watched Blue's Clue's smelling of sun screen and mud.

Now, before you conjure up in your minds my husband as some sort of "dinner on the table women!" tyrant, he's about the farthest thing from it. I marvel at the man's ability to honest-to-goodness have very little "expectations on life" at all let alone his wife (who has enough expectations to make up for his lack!) He could care less.

But I care. I work hard to show him love with the little things-- like keeping his laundry caught up just like he shows me love working to support us.

But I can't seem to do both. (I expect I should...but my expectations are usually unrealistic).

I know it looks like just "play" but every mamma knows just how much WORK it takes to give your kids a good time. The continual packing and lugging of bug-spray, sunscreen, towels, snacks, water-bottles, floaties,  more snacks and just a few more snacks. It's exhausting. But it's so worth it.
I have my photos as proof that my children did indeed have a good childhood, so don't you forget it!

Maybe next summer I'll have it worked out a bit more.

I think Amy hit it on the head in one her facebook statuses a while back. She basically said every time she decides it's time to buckle down and get some house stuff take care of, instagram is a blaze with families out making beautiful summer memories, but then the next time she intentionally leaves the house stuff and takes off with her kiddos, facebook is full of ladies who organized every closet in their house!

Found this talk  pretty comforting:

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven” (Eccl. 3:1). 

We may sometimes wonder how we can possibly accomplish all we want to in life when so many voices seek our time. The voices come from people we love and respect; the activities they encourage are commendable and important. But that’s the problem: How can we possibly do everything?

The key is realizing that each situation has to be prayerfully considered—that what may be right in one situation may not be applicable in another. In seeking priorities, we should determine which option is the most important in specific instances...

In response to the question “How can we possibly accomplish all we want to in life when so many voices seek our time?” we must set our priorities as we counsel with the Lord in prayer so that the many demands are phased into our lives according to the proper time and season. Then we can be pleased with what we are able to do as we happily seek to do it, rather than always being frustrated about what we are unable to accomplish. We can seek to find balance in our lives by being “anxiously engaged in a good cause” (D&C 58:27) and thereby overcoming many depressing moments. Whether our lives become a harmonious hymn or noisy turmoil depends on how we conduct the timing and intensity of the voices seeking our time. Applying these general principles to our specific circumstances will help us attain what the prophet Joseph Smith said is “the object and design of our existence”—happiness (see Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 255).

I like it. Maybe I'll figure it summer ;)