Tuesday, October 30, 2012
I signed in this morning, missing blogging.
I told myself maybe I could just go back and read some old post, maybe my boys last years birthday posts, seeing as I felt like I probably wouldn't get to them this year.
Trying to push away that sad feeling, of wanting to do so many things, but feeling forced (by these pesky 24 hour days, and my own limited energy) to choose.
My friends are probably sick of hearing me talk about my non-blog-time whoas.
They offer sound advice about "time how other challenges come to fill their place.
Then I read your comment on my last post, my anonymous friend.
And realized that the truth is I want to keep blogging.
For me... and for you, anonymous.
Just like so many essential things--scriptures, prayers, date night--it's not easy to make the time for these things. Blogging may not be essential but it is a good thing I want to choose to do, and therefore just like all the others things, I have to safe guard and protect on my crowded daily schedule, I can do this.
Maybe not as often and most certainly at the sacrifice of some other non-essential (like sleep and cleaning, usually).
So thank you dear Anonymous, for reminding me I don't have to have hundreds of followers to make a small difference in someone's day. Because I do hope that every once and a while something when I take the time to write that it will bolster up another young, stressed out mom, so she can make it though one more insane before-dinner hour! I hope that I can inspire a mom to pick up her scriptures or turn on a conference talk while she folds yet another load of laundry.
Because, as I admit in the very title of this blog-- this is the hardest things I've ever done.
To raise these children and not loose it. To remind myself of the eternal course my everyday choices are determining, for me and my family. To humble myself and admit I can't do it alone. That I need heaven's help-- in all its many forms--
In the voice of prophets and prophetesses, only a few clicks away.
In angels, I know are round about, even if they don't intervene when my kids are spilling things...again.
In scriptures that I scatter about my house, so I can flip them open and feel their power, quickly before the next crisis.
In the primary songs softly playing in my kids room, as I lay down with them desperate for them to have a nap...oh please nap today.
In my friends, their words of encouragement in our phone conversations punctuated by our kids squabbles and screams, their perspective and wisdom sometimes shared in words, but more often gleaned as I watch them in action. My friends and their blessed sewing machines, helping me once again with a sewing project I'm incapable of, but need done by tomorow mornings preschool Halloween party:) Thank heavens for my heavenly friends.
Even ones I don't know, like you anonymous.
And if I can be that kind of voice--helping and urging us all to look to Heaven more for answers and strength and the endless patience parenting seems to require--then I want to be that voice.
Thank you Anonymous for reminding me of that. And giving me the courage to admit my own desires and take accountability for my own choices. To feel that I truly can decide to keep doing a good thing, if only because I want to.