Too much!

I think the major challenge of my whole life is going to be about maintaining balance!


Last week sometime (who knows, you know how the days can flow into each other!) I was discussing moderation with a good, wise friend (yes, Alana this time I'm referring to the one and only Rebecca!)


It was a long and good conversation about how society is not moderate at all (super-size, watch enter series of TV on box sets for two examples off the top of my head) and it's hard to live that principle. Hence addictions. 


I tend to think of myself as a fairly moderate person, food usually comes to mind as my credential for thinking this. I feel like my family growing up had good eating habits (although sugar-cravings I think just come with age, or birthing babies or both, cuz yesterday as I ransacked my kitchen for a quick "sweet-fix"  I found my desperate-pathetic-self popping gummy-vitamins, that my kids deemed"yucky". Hey, bonus got my sugar and my vitamin C for the day:) 


But then when I really analyze myself I wonder. I'm I as free as I think I am?

Some addictions are very apparent. There are lots of more subtle ones, being additcted to control, or praise, or neagtive self-talk.

I listened to a talk on anger today (guess what two  and a half year old inspired that search word?)

 At one point he said:

"All addiction is in a need to find comfort."

As soon as I heard that I thought, "to replace the Comforter"

We have been given this great gift, and instead we choose other things (food, self pity, sex, TV) that Satan, the world, or just even our lazy selves tell us will work just as well.

But it doesn't.

It can't really fill the voids.

The husband and wife counselor team, also explained how hurt and anger are reactions to our needs feeling threatened.

Ready for my epiphany????

I've known for a long time, that to have a good day I need to get up before my kids. 

For someone with non-sleeping children, I have tried to rationalize this away. 

But it doesn't work and today I figured out why.

I need to have some time to myself to 

to plan,

to evaluate.

to study the scriptures.

to listen.

to ponder.

to pray.

to breath.

If I do that before my kids are up, I'm ready. Ready to be crawled on and interrupted and demanded.

If I don't, that need remains unfulfilled and all day I'm trying to squeeze it in, wondering when I'll get a moment, and all the normal things my kids d0-- spill, poop, general meltdowns and messes-- are suddenly interpreted as threats to my unfulfilled need.

result. Mommy gets mad.

Then mommy gets sad, cuz she feel like a bad mommy.

Back to moderation.

Even good things need to be moderated (say that word like Arnold Schwarzenegger and it's way funner!)

Case in point. I find things that bring my little mommy soul, more peace, contentment and overall joy and then....I over do them.

If I think. I think too much.


If I talk. I always talk too much.


If I start reading again. All the sudden I'm reading too much (ie ignoring my kids)


If I blog I blog too much (again neglecting my littletons)


If I clean, I clean too much (not that it shows)


If I talk on the phone...you get the picture.


I take really great things that bring me fulfillment and I get excited by that feeling.


Like right now. I should go to bed and just post this even though it's little all over the place.


One last random thought from that talk on anger...such good stuff.
They shared an experiment, where they interviewed kids right after they got in trouble at the playground. When interviewers asked "Why was you mommy/daddy upset with you?" none of the kids knew. But they all expressed in some way that they felt the upset parent didn't like them.                                                                                                                                                                The message of anger was not getting across only the negative emotions were being communicated.


Th reality broke my heart a little. I need to reconsider some of the messages I'm sending my kids. And I need to get to bed, and finish this rambling random post:)