It's Easter Sunday and me and you are still stuck here in the hospital waiting to go home.
Which means I've had a lot of time to think -- to gaze at your perfect little face and think-- she's here!
I wondered if I'd get a girl. Wondered if The Lord thought I was more suited for rambunctious boys.
People asked all the time, if I hoped for a girl and I had some scripted answer that focused on how much fun my boys were, deflecting the real question.
Cuz deep down, of course I did.
I wanted you so bad!
Even in all that longing, I was nervous. Perhaps Eve would tell us it has always been a complicated thing to be a women, but I think she'd agree that today's world is getting more and more complex for females all the time.
You live in a world that tells you you can do and be anything.
And you can.
You can wear tutus or transformers masks or both.
You can love sports without hating shopping.
You can be strong and still cry (which if you have any of your mamma in you...)
You have a unique identity you will need to honour (and which you needn't limit to any one faucet of what will surely be your diverse personality).
So many possibilities.
And so many choices.
You are capable of so much, yet capacity is not, nor has it ever really been, the issue.
Remember in all the "women's issues" this truth from James E. Talmage:
“The world's greatest champion of woman and womanhood is Jesus the Christ.”
So in all that you choose, my dear Hadley-- choose to be His.
His faithful covenant Daughter. There is nothing else that will give you the true esteem, sense of worth, purpose and belonging that we all inevitably seek, like knowing You are a daughter of God, who loves you.
But I do care if your happy; and that you have peace, hope and most definatley love.
And I testify that making and keeping covenants in the restored gospel of Jesus Christ is the way to do that. The world is only going to get more confusing, the voices more contrary and more convincing. Only the sure voice of the Spirit can tell you who you truly are. Who you have always been and who you are destined to become. There is so much room, room for us all in the Kingdom of God, room for all the uniquely beautiful children of our Heavenly Parents-- it is with them that we find our true home and our true selves.
The lives we are meant to live.
I have always loved this quote from Pres Benson:
"Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life in the service of God will find eternal life."
That's all I want for all my children. For each of you to find out what the Lord would have you do and do it. To ask Him for a vision of who you are meant to be and become that person.
I admit, I haven't had quite as few little whisperings as I did with your brothers. Maybe they'll come yet. But then maybe it's because I'm learning more and more that the power of our lives comes through choices. And not necessarily "big ones" we stress about and think are so important. But the little everyday ones that reveal to us what our heart truly wants.
I know that you Hadley, counselled with your Father in Heaven (the same way I hope you will counsel with us through out life) I can picture Him as He listened to you as you poured out all you wanted to get out of this one-time mortal life experience. All you hoped and dreamed. What worried or scared you. You talked with Him about the hard things you'd have to deal with (maybe you even chatted about me) and He helped you to accept it all.
Now, Hadley, it's your turn.
You will come to know how strong you are, and sometimes, how weak. You will find out, with every choice what your
eternal soul really wants.
And I will be there watching. As my own soul comes to know itself still too.
Together we can both change and grow and give up tainted expectations for eternal ones.
Your brothers, I'm meant to guide and shape and point in the right direction and even give them a little shove if needs be.
But for you, my Hadley girl-- my Pearl, you, I am to watch. Watch and learn how beautiful a daughter of God who knows who she is and why she's here can be.
Hopefully you can watch me too-- and even if sometimes you only learn from my clear example of what not to do-- I hope you will trust that I am trying. Because there is one thing I know about my eternal soul, it really wants to be good. So I will always be trying.
Most us women do.
We try so hard we get tangled up in our own efforts.
But we can always get untangled. Christ makes our many messups, cleanupable.
Forgiving each other,
So many lessons for a woman's heart.
And my dear daughter, I'm so happy to have you to share that with. Even if we don't always do that so directly. I've come to appreciate one of the great gifts of the Atonement, is understanding beyond our own.
I hope, despite our inevitable misunderstandings, that eventually and ultimately The Lord will help us understand one another, even if we have to wait to the next life for that to happen in all it's completeness.
Because I already completely love you. So much.
I'm ready to watch. To watch you become all you were meant to be.
I am ready to be amazed.
Oh wait, I already have been. And you just got here.
With more love than I thought possible,