Scripture Study- How even our lamest efforts can help us connect to the Lord

I only had a few days to prepare this Sacrament talk on the Power of Scriptures. 

However, the message came pretty strongly- that the Lord wanted me to share that He loves us for any effort we make to draw His power in to our lives. I know regardless of our limitations and situations He will reach back  in so much mercy and with so much encouragement, to connect with us. I had a few people ask if I had my talk to share, so even though I haven't touched this blog in a while, I decide to put it up here. I hope it can help encourage someone to just try. I know if we do, the Lord will surprise us with His merciful responses. 

Power of the Scriptures Sacrament Talk                             

Chelsea Bowen Bretzke

Do you know where you were Saturday Morning April 5^th, 2014?

I do. I was 10 days away from having my 4^th child. Hadley Pearl, our first girl, that I never thought we’d have after 3 boys (it’s still so strange that we’ll be almost even after this third girl arrives in December). I was probably wearing my red zip up house coat, that I tend to wear way too often when I’m pregnant (I wore it while I typed this talk!)

Ben’s work still required a lot of travel at that time. Aaron was almost 8, and I was busy balancing home and school therapies for him, McKye was in kindergarten (with those awesome half day pickups) and Levi was a crazy little 3 year old.

And I was stressed.

It was conference weekend.  We most likely had lego out, sometimes I’d have conference coloring sheets, but they usually only lasted a few minutes with my active boys.

I often tell people 3 kids was my hardest. Ironically, I now have twice that many, 3 littles at home and 3 in school, and it’s still crazy, but I’ve grown more into it, but at that stage I was completely overwhelmed.

I was trying to listen to the talks, sitting as comfortably as any 9-month pregnant woman can.  Sister Linda K. Reeves was speaking, and she started a story that got my attention.

“Some of you have heard me tell how overwhelmed my husband, Mel, and I felt as the parents of four young children.”

Four kids? Overwhelmed? She might as well of been sitting beside me on the couch talking only to me.

“As we faced the challenges of parenting” she said “nd keeping up with the demands of life, we were desperate for help.”

I was desperate for help!

“We prayed and pleaded to know what to do.”

I had approached this very conference hoping for answers.

“The answer“she said, “that came was clear:”

I grabbed my notebook, ready:

“It is OK if the house is a mess and the children are still in their pajamas and some responsibilities are left undone. The only things that really need to be accomplished in the home are daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening.”

I was bawling as the Spirit confirmed this was our answer too.

She continued: “We were trying to do these things, but they were not always the priority and, amidst the chaos, were sometimes neglected. We changed our focus and tried not to worry about the less-important things. Our focus became to talk, rejoice, preach, and testify of Christ by striving to daily pray and study the scriptures and have weekly family home evening.”  ( https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2014/04/protection-from-pornography-a-christ-focused-home?lang=eng )

This became my mantra for years. The thing I held to when I was tempted to get after myself for the many things I felt were getting left undone. It’s okay, I’m doing the only things that really matter.

Today I’ve been asked to speak on the power we gain from scripture study.

I love the scriptures. I have had times in my life, as perhaps you have, when I devoted a lot of  time to study. Before and during my mission for sure. I sat at a desk. I had reference books, and scripture markers, and wrote quotes on sticky notes and filled the margins with ideas, and cross references. 

And I learned a lot.

I have also had times when it seemed all I could do, is lay in my bed and press play, and let the words of the scriptures wash over me, hoping their light could dispel a bit of the darkness that seemed to envelope me.

And I learned a lot then too.

In both cases, I learned that the scriptures have power. And that it is a power the Lord WANTS us to access. They are the words of Christ and His Power makes His words powerful.

Pres Benson described this power, specifically speaking of the words of Christ in the Book of Mormon “There is a power in the book,” he said” which will begin to flow into your lives the moment you begin a serious study of the book. You will find greater power to resist temptation. You will find the power to avoid deception. You will find the power to stay on the strait and narrow path. The scriptures are called 'the words of life' (see D&C 84:85),… When you begin to hunger and thirst after those words, you will find life in greater and greater abundance." (Ezra Taft Benson, Ensign, Nov. 1986, p. 7)

Those years when we decided the most important thing was those spiritual priorities, the other areas of our lives were so blessed.

And times when we have let those priorities slip I can feel myself becoming frustrated, desperate again, seeking but never finding satisfactory answers or guidance. 

And so I have come to think as Peter “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” (John 6:68)

Who else are we going to turn to, google? Netflix? others many and contradictory opinions? Once we have experiences gaining guidance and strength from True Messengers-- from the scriptures and words of living prophets-- none of the other counterfeits will ever be even close to satisfactory- because they lack the power of Christ, the power of the Holy Ghost, the very powers of Heaven.

As Nephi taught: ”Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.” (2 Nephi 32:3)

Sister Reeves was nothing less than an angel to me that day, she delivered a message from God to me, and I know angels are ready to help you find the messages and answers you seek as well.

But it won’t happen if we do nothing.

Ben’s mission president and his wife changed the old adage “anything worth doing is worth doing well” into

“Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly”

Don’t wait to read your scriptures in only ideal circumstances.

We need the power now and any amount of effort is better than nothing.

I bare witness of the blessings of sometimes the bare minimum.

 I know a woman who at the height of her crazy years with lots of children, would just sit and hold her scriptures. I have another friend who after her busy toddlers and ripped one too many pages out of her physical scriptures began reading from her phone, but worried that her kids would think she was just playing games or something. One day her little boy picked up her phone and said “Look! I’m mommy. I’m reading my scriptures”

I have had times when our family scriptures was in the van while we did the morning drop offs (which is actually awesome because they are strapped in) somedays we would have great discussions, others, I would  put in those illustrated scripture book, they turned into the little slide show movies. Do you know how many times, there were little phrases that answered my prayers from those simple, simple scripture stories, and my rather merger efforts?

One night I laid down with Hadley, and she pulled out her little New Testament stories book. I was exhausted, and I coped out, saying, how about you just look at the pictures and tell me the story. Then to my surprise, she went through almost the whole book, and with each page, said, “Oh this one! This is the one where Jesus does this…” Trust that our small and simple efforts are being magnified by the Lord and that He and his Spirit are working with us to help us teach our families.

The best rule I’ve ever heard comes from my favourite sister Julie B Beck. She simply says that her rule it to spend “Sometime in the scriptures each day”

Isn’t that so doable?!?

I love the mercy of our leaders, who knowing how powerful the scriptures are, are basically begging us to spend even the smallest amounts of the time reading the Words of Christ.

I was just down at BYU education week in August and Elder Stevenson was the devotional speaker. He encouraged us to take some of our  “precious screen time” and give  it to time in the Book of Mormon. “It really is simple.” He said and then pulled out his own phone and hit play. He then asked if we would be willing to spend 10 minutes in the Book of Mormon.  (https://news.byu.edu/faith/byu-devotional-the-ongoing-restoration )

10 minutes. Many of you can look at your phones right now and pull up a little chart that shows you your daily and weekly screen time usage.

I’m guessing we all have a lot more than 10 minutes a day.

The brethren are willing to give us these bare minimum invitations, because I believe they know if we will start to just do something, feeling the power of the word will make us want more.

And so today, as I invite anyone who needs to just start somewhere, to just begin, I also bear witness, of the blessings of striving to increase our efforts. 

Back to Sister Reeves talk.

“A friend recently cautioned, she said, “When you ask the sisters to read the scriptures and pray more, it stresses them out. They already feel like they have too much to do.”

Brothers and sisters, because I know from my own experiences, and those of my husband, I must testify of the blessings of daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening. These are the very practices that help take away stress, give direction to our lives, and add protection to our homes. Then, [when] challenges do strike our families, we can petition the Lord for help and expect great guidance from the Spirit, knowing that we have done what our Father has asked us to do.

Brothers and sisters, if these have not been practices in our homes, we can all begin now. If our children are older and refuse to join us, we can start with ourselves. As we do, the influence of the Spirit will begin to fill our homes and our lives…” End quote.

Elder Richard G Scott has warned:

“Don’t yield to Satan’s lie that you don’t have time to study the scriptures. Choose to take time to study them. Feasting on the word of God each day is more important than sleep, school, work, television shows, video games, or social media. You may need to reorganize your priorities to provide time for the study of the word of God. If so, do it!” https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/general-conference/2014/10/make-the-exercise-of-faith-your-first-priority?lang=eng

And finally, from our Prophet:

“My beloved brothers and sisters, I plead with you to increase your spiritual capacity to receive revelation. Let this [Sunday morning] be a defining moment in your life. Choose to do the spiritual work required to enjoy the gift of the Holy Ghost and hear the voice of the Spirit more frequently and more clearly.” https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/general-conference/2018/04/revelation-for-the-church-revelation-for-our-lives?lang=eng

Let me share with you two stories of people who made the choice, to put in the spiritual work required. (sorry to my Book of Moron class sisters, who’ve heard me shar these before)

First is Sister Beck- who when she was the General Relief Society, she was a spiritual giant in my eyes, and I assumed she had always been an amazing scriptorian. Then I read this story she told in a general Young Women’s meeting:

“When I was a new bride, I asked my mother-in-law, who is a very good cook, if she would teach me how to make her delicious dinner rolls. With a sparkle in her eye, she replied that it took 25 years to learn to make a good roll! Then she added, “You had better start making some.” I followed her advice, and we have enjoyed many good dinner rolls at our house. At about that same time, I was invited to a lunch for all of the Relief Society sisters in my ward who had read either the Book of Mormon or a short Church history book. I had become casual in my scripture reading, so I qualified to attend the luncheon by reading the short book because it was easier and took less time. As I was eating my lunch, I had a powerful feeling that though the history book was a good one, I should have read the Book of Mormon. The Holy Ghost was prompting me to change my scripture reading habits. That very day I began to read the Book of Mormon, and I have never stopped reading it.” (“My Soul Delighteth in the Scriptures,” April 2004 General Conference)

I LOVE THAT… her talk goes on to compare learning to make rolls with learning to read the scriptures, it took lots of attempts, some failings, and lots of learning, but what I love is how she decided, I am going to be a woman who reads her scriptures . Because she wasn’t just magically Sister Beck, any more than Nephi or Pres. Nelson became Nephi and Pres. Nelson….they CHOOSE to do the spiritual work required.

My second example, is even closer to my heart

My sister Krista- called me up one day. She said, I think I should read my scriptures. I never have and I want to. Will you help me?

She said her mornings were crazy but around 10 o clock she could settle her toddler in front of a show and have a moment, she asked if I would text her around 11 each day and ask if she’d read and then we’d reward ourselves if we were consistent for 100 days by going to Calgary, attend the temple, shop at Ikea and go out for dinner . Now, my sister doesn’t really read- anything, let alone scriptures. Some learning struggles factor into that, but reading in general is quite difficult for her. She would not have considered herself, a scriptorian by any means. Then I watched my sister change. I saw her spirituality increase. On that trip to Calgary  (technically I didn’t earn, cuz I for sure missed a couple days) we’d be talking about life, like you do and she’d say, well that’s like so and so in the Book of Mormon! Me and my sister had never talked about spiritual things before. I saw the power of daily scripture study transform my sister into a woman of faith, with the confidence that only the Spirit can bring.

In closing, Pres. Nelson has asked:

“Does God really want to speak to you?  

And his answer was “Yes!”

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/general-conference/2018/04/revelation-for-the-church-revelation-for-our-lives.p22?lang=eng

I really struggle with sleep. For years, I’ve had babies and toddlers waking frequently though the night. I was at a camp a few summers ago sharing a tent with my sister and my sweet little niece sleepily asked in the morning, “Auntie Chelsea, why do you your kids scream all night?” Add in Aaron’s bizarre rhythms, and the fact that he may always have random nights he stays awake wandering the house all night long and my own bouts with insomnia, I can’t even blame on my kids, but sleep is a real issue in my life.

But a few months ago, as summer began, Eliza was sleeping a bit better, and we were swimming so much Aaron was having good nights too and I was actually enjoying some summer time sleep ins.

And then I started waking up at 6:30- on the dot. Morning after morning. I’d fall back asleep, until one morning, I felt a small voice say,

“Wouldn’t you rather spend some time with me?”

I began pulling out my scriptures instead of going back to sleep.

I know the Lord loves us so much and He wants to spend time with us, he wants us to feel His encouragement, His love, His power, His peace.  

He wants us to know what it feels like to live WITH HIM, not just eventually in the next life, He wants to walk with us right now, today, and I know His scriptures and the words of Prophets are a powerful way for us to access that power and feel Him with us day by day.

Please, if you are someone who hasn’t really read scriptures regularly before, just start. If you are someone who knows you could be sacrificing more, let’s all “choose to do the spiritual work required.”

I know we can all do this. And I know It is beyond worth it.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Scriptures for my boys

I sat down last week to ponder my new "Word Goals" for 2013. 
But as I started to contemplate each of my sons, 
I kept thinking about a talk Pres. Eyring gave.

In it he shared how that with his own children, he prayed for revelation to know how he could help each prepare for specific opportunities to serve God. 
“And then I tried to help them visualize, hope and work for this future."

He related that he carved a board for each son with a quotation from scripture that described that son’s special gifts and an image that represented that gift.
"If you will try, with any young man," he said, "to sense his priesthood possibilities, I promise you the Lord will tell you as much as you need. The boy may have potential even beyond what the Lord will reveal to you. Help him aim high." 

President Eyring said one of his sons was so shy he wouldn’t talk to a clerk in a store. On that son’s board, President Eyring carved, “Bold as a Lion” beneath an image of a large lion’s head.

“On his mission, and in the years that followed, he fulfilled the hope in my carving,” he said. “My once-shy son preached the gospel with great conviction and faced dangers with bravery. He was magnified in his responsibilities to represent the Lord.

“That can happen for the young man you are leading. You need to build his faith that the Lord can transform him into a servant braver than the timid boy you now see." 

“Now you may be thinking, ‘Brother Eyring, are you saying that I need to learn to carve?’ The answer is no... there are many ways you can shape children’s hearts without carving wooden boards for them..The height boards I have described are only one way to help young people glimpse the grandeur God sees in them and the unique service He is preparing to give,” 

 “He will help you see how to do it for your children or for other youth. But as you prayerfully seek to glimpse this future for yourself, and then to communicate it to the young person, you will come to know that God knows and loves each of His children as individuals and sees great and unique gifts in each of them.”

I may still do my words, but as I sat pondering Pres. Eyrings incorporation of 
the Word into the dreams he had for his sons, I  couldn't help but reach for my scriptures.

At first I thought, how out of all the marvellous counsel, heavenly admonitions and celestial encouragement could I possibly pick only a verse for each of my boys, one that could encapsulate all my many hopes and dreams for them with their unique and distinct talents and gifts.

But that is the magic of the scriptures. If you need to find a scripture, those pages have a way of helping you. Every time.

Well actually the one I found for Aaron, Doctrine and Covenant 8:6-11,
 I had read a long time ago and felt that it was meant to help me see the "gift" my special son truly is. It was easy because it actually has his name in the verse!


6 Now this is not all thy gift; 
for you have another gift, which is the 
gift of Aaron; 
behold, it has told you many things;

 7 Behold, there is no other power, save the power of God, that can cause this gift of Aaron to be with you.

 8 Therefore, doubt not, for it is the gift of God; and you shall hold it in your hands, and do marvelous works; and no power shall be able to take it away out of your hands, for it is the work of God.

 9 And, therefore, whatsoever you shall ask me to tell you by that means, that will I grant unto you, and you shall have knowledge concerning it.

 10 Remember that without faith you can do nothing; therefore ask in faith. Trifle not with these things; do not ask for that which you ought not.

 11 Ask that you may know the mysteries of God, and that you may translate and receive knowledge from all those ancient records which have been hid up, that are sacred; and according to your faith shall it be done unto you.

Every time I read these verses I am granted more insight into my son and the gifts he offers our family. And me. The comforting assurance that he will be ours-- that no power or influence in this scary world will be able to draw him away from us-- but that we will hold him with us in this life and the next, as long as we strive to qualify with the help of our Saviour. So much about Aaron is about the testing and stretching of our faith. In this way this scripture speaks more to us than directly to Aaron. Ever as I typed this, the word translate jumped out at me and I thought of all that I do to help interpret Aaron's communication, all the work to understand his needs and give him access to his wants. 
In all we do for Aaron, we feel the sacredness of each and every soul, and are compelled to know that without the Lord we are nothing, that without faith we get hopelessly stuck but that with faith we can accomplish anything.



Last week as I was picking these scriptures, I also read Jodi Picoult's House Rules. It's the story of a boy with Asperger's, but the sub-story that captivated me was that of his younger brother, and the mix of emotions that his brother's disability had upon him and the way it so subtly but profoundly affected his daily life and even shaped the formation of his own self-concept. I could (and might yet) write a whole post about my own worries about this, but then I thought of how much revelation I've received about the positive effects Aaron's differences will have upon his siblings, especially McKye, my "psychologically oldest" boy. Do I worry about making sure that McKye isn't over burdened, or feels forced into sacrificing normal things for the sake of his brother? Of course. But am I also certain that any sacrifice, any hardship, any sorrow or pain will be generously compensated tenfold with blessings unmeasured? You bet! 

Planned blessings gained from heavenly orchestrated, perfectly personalized lessons, meant for each of us. As I found McKye's scripture, D & C 6:33-36, just a few pages from Aaron's,  I marvelled at the power of the Atonement to make all things work together for our good.

  33  Fear not to do good, my [son], for whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye also reap; therefore, if ye sow good ye shall also reap good for your reward.

  34 Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail.

  35 Behold, I do not condemn you; go your ways and sin no more; perform with soberness the work which I have commanded you.

  36  Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.

Fear not to good. The Lord will give you everything you need (and more!) as you serve Him and His children. As a mother, I do fear the world's influence on my younger boys, and I felt that the Lord reminded me in this scripture, to just give them a sure foundation. To help them build upon Christ and then trust that no matter what rages against them, they will be able to stand.

This scripture hints at McKye's incredible strength and points to the source of that strength--his faith. A faith that he will need to dispel fear. That the battle ground that will determine his greatness, will be fought in his own mind and heart. That he will need to look unto the Lord, in every thought...and that I need to show him how.

Then there's Levi. Ah, Levi, my third son. 

For him I turned to the wise father, Alma, who also had three sons, whom he gave counsel to. Three very different sons, who all needed a different approach, some harder than others. One who struggled, one who was to lead and one who only needed 15 verses, of which I picked one-- Alma 38:2. I wonder if Shiblon was the third too.

 2 And now, my son, I trust that I shall have great joy in you, because of your steadiness and your faithfulness unto God; for as you have commenced in your youth to look to the Lord your God, even so I hope that you will continue in keeping his commandments; for blessed is he that endureth to the end.

At the end of Levi's last birthday post, I wrote about how he has a innate trust, and I thought it was significant that this scripture revealed my own sense of trust that Levi will just be a good kid. He has already shown such resilience...surviving as the youngest brother in this crazy house, with only so much to give. He gets what he needs, in such a happy independent way, that I find myself trusting him to do that in life too. He has commenced his little life as such a happy, helpful, willing spirit, I know he will continue on it that same strength of character and learn to be as obedient a disciple as he is a son. That through his steadfastness and faith he will find joy and that that will bring me joy as well. 

So my boys, there you have it. I shared these with your dad and he suggested we get them engraved on leather book covers for you. We plan on putting copies of your baby blessings and annual school blessings and then giving them to you when you receive your patriarchal blessings. A place to keep all the things God has revealed to you about who you are and what you are meant to become. 

I hope these scriptures your mother choose will inspire you to discover your gifts and remind you that you were each such a great gift to her. 
Gifts she will ever be thankful for.

"God knows our gifts. My challenge to you and to me is to pray to know the gifts we have been given, to know how to develop them, and to recognize the opportunities to serve others that God provides us. But most of all, I pray that you will be inspired to help others discover their special gifts from God to serve." (Pres. Henry B Eyring)

Diapers on my path to faith.

Since it was mentioned in church, this conference talk "Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ"   by Elder Kevin W. Pearson, has been in my thoughts. A lot. 

And when things are in my thoughts, they come out my mouth, to my friends on the phone and then they think and talk about them too. Which can be very helpful.

Elder Pearson's 6 Destructive D's

Doubt, Discouragement, Distraction, lack of Diligence, Disobedience adn Disbelief 

 were so apparent patterns in our day-to-day lives!!!

When I would catch myself wanting distractions I could think, hmmm, why am I feeling discouraged? Had I been diligent and obedient about tapping into true, Spiritual sources of encouragement? or was I setting up my expectations based on others, or what I thought I ought to be accomplishing? 

Elder Pearson explained, "Discouragement comes from missed expectations. Chronic discouragement leads to lower expectations, decreased effort, weakened desire, and greater difficulty feeling and following the Spirit"

My friend and me, struck by the reality of this "pathway"  of destructive D's

decided to try and figure the path out in reverse...a path we could choose that would lead us to  greater faith, or at least one we could make a u-turn on, if we recognized ourselves heading int he wrong direction.

We decided you start with belief. (not faith yet) 

Just a desire to believe, like we learn in the scriptures (Alma 32)

Then we just need to obey. Just do what we know we're suppose to. Even when we're feeling rotten or lazy, or tired. Even when we feel like we can't possibly get anything out of our scriptures, or have time for service, or even stay awake for long enough to mumble a prayer. 

Just do it anyway, just to be obedient.

Obedience will grow into diligence. This is where following commandments becomes more habitual in our lives, a part of life. Less of a duty and more of a part of life we look forward to.

Diligence (in prays, scriptures, service) bring us closer to the Spirit which offers us a greater vision, and increased focus. With this eternal perspective in mind, the worlds distraction become less appealing, and loose their hold on us, allowing us to break bad habits, and make better choices. 

The Spirit fills us with understanding, and yup...faith. 

Not some "out of our hands", mystical faith, but faith we can actively work towards, faith that can be given to us. An endowment for trying to follow the Saviour.

Elder Bruce R. McConkie taught: “Faith is a gift of God bestowed as a reward for personal righteousness."

Elder Pearson further encourages us with this concept of our ability to choose faith! 

Desire, hope, and belief are forms of faith, but faith as a principle of power comes from a consistent pattern of obedient behavior and attitudes. 
Personal righteousness is a choice. Faith is a gift from God, and one possessed of it can receive enormous spiritual power.
We do have a choice. We get what we focus on consistently.

So often I act as though I have very little control over how I'm feeling. I am a victim of my own discouragement and dependent on my own favorite distractions. I don't want to admit that my own lack of diligence is at the root. 

I mop around thinking "If I can just get my closets to look like this bloggers" or "my wardrobe to be as cute as this friend" or my children as well behaved as this neighbour", or "my writing to be as clever as so and so..."

How can I be so quick to forget that the only true source of encouragement, of hope, or strength is the Saviour and my own willingness and determination to align myself to His Will for me!

I forget. But the moment I tap back in. 

The instant I finally give in and kneel, 

or open my scriptures, instead of another widow on my laptop. 

He flows back in. 

So close.

So ready to help.

And gives me light. 

(Which I then "high-light"  :)

Today he gave me these...

To let me know my labours aren't in vain, even though the laundry's never-ending, 

&my kids can make messes faster than I can deal with them.

That I can be content. That I can learn to love the up s and downs, the days of abounding, and the days of hunger and need. I think I thought "All things" meant great, or hard things. Today it meant a variety of seemingly small things, and things that are repetitive and relentless in their dailyness. It meant, I can stay calm when McKye is a booger, and I can find the humor in  yet another colosal mess, that I can keep  trucking along with Aaron, despite feeling totally burnt out with it all. 

I can. 

With Christ strengthening me. I can do anything He requires. 

But  He gets to choose. Not me.  

And finally, this:

"Let this mind be in you, which was also in Jesus Christ...[who] made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant"

Like a mom. 


As I read that (Phil 2:7), all I could think/feel was I'm choosing to be like Christ. How can I bemoan the my life as mundane, when I have the chance to try and learn to serve continually as Christ did?  Suddenly, the things I do everyday of "no reputation", like fishing the dirty diapers out of the toilet bowl (again),  ceased to be merely gross, inconvenient and unfair, but they became opportunities to humble myself, in a submission that one day may change me enough to lead to my own exaltation. 


How grateful I was, that I decided to stop and "recalculate" my journey towards  doubt and discouragement, and instead said, 


"Lord, help be find a path of faith, and focus instead."


I still had to clean up the diapers. But somehow it wasn't so bad.