Tis the season (2012)

Last year my mom came to our house and made a gingerbread train with the boys.  

And apparently it's going to be a tradition because when I pulled out the gingerbread house to decorate, McKye looked at me and said, "Grandma Bowen is coming?!?"

So we called grandma up and made a date with her and gingerbread. 

If my kids feel like that is something to be done with grandma, I'm gonna go with it.

Traditions that grow out of memorable, happy times are so much more meaningful than those we try to orchestrate.

Speaking of orchestration, I got way to involved in the house building, with my candy color-schemes and enforcing of patterns, that I felt like we needed a re-do, a real let-loose-with-grandma- free -of -mother's- "orchestration" time of fun.

So when Daddy was out of town one weekend and Glenwood was having their live nativity....it was perfect. Out to Grandma's we went, for what I think will also grow into a nice tradition. 

A December sleepover under the tree at grandma's house.

 We involved a bit more gingerbread....of course.

(Is it just me Liesel, or does McKye look like your Greg in this one?)

How I love seeing those grandma hands guiding my boys pudgy little boy hands!

Enjoying the finished product(this was grandma's ginger bread baby in a snow suit)

Then it was off to the live Nativity and crèche display.

With hot chocolate of course.

We did take some pictures with Santa (though smart ol' me snapped a whole bunch of photos without a SD card in my camera, luckily a patient Santa let us do the whole thing again!)    

Aaron was more interested in riding a cow to Bethlehem then sitting on Sanata's lap.

Another pre-Christmas happening was our church Christmas party.
I helped put together a bit of a skit for the evenings entertainment that included....

one hum-bugger who has a change of heart thanks to a jolly friend in some fabulous christmas attire

a flash mob of carol of the bells

missionaries lip singing to a children's chorus

some well dressed carollers

a simply beautiful silent night

a few more ugly Christmas sweaters and a fireplace photo bomber

a quartet of O holy Night

I love my ward!

We did a little decorating (although, my poor tree spent more of the season, looking more and more flattened by Aaron repeatedly knocking it over!)

And McKye had his first Christmas concert. (you'd never know he spent the hour leading up to it crying, and then pouted through whole performance, without singing a note, because he was too busy wiping his nose!

Silly boy.

And that was our pre-Christmas fun!

Scriptures for my boys

I sat down last week to ponder my new "Word Goals" for 2013. 
But as I started to contemplate each of my sons, 
I kept thinking about a talk Pres. Eyring gave.

In it he shared how that with his own children, he prayed for revelation to know how he could help each prepare for specific opportunities to serve God. 
“And then I tried to help them visualize, hope and work for this future."

He related that he carved a board for each son with a quotation from scripture that described that son’s special gifts and an image that represented that gift.
"If you will try, with any young man," he said, "to sense his priesthood possibilities, I promise you the Lord will tell you as much as you need. The boy may have potential even beyond what the Lord will reveal to you. Help him aim high." 

President Eyring said one of his sons was so shy he wouldn’t talk to a clerk in a store. On that son’s board, President Eyring carved, “Bold as a Lion” beneath an image of a large lion’s head.

“On his mission, and in the years that followed, he fulfilled the hope in my carving,” he said. “My once-shy son preached the gospel with great conviction and faced dangers with bravery. He was magnified in his responsibilities to represent the Lord.

“That can happen for the young man you are leading. You need to build his faith that the Lord can transform him into a servant braver than the timid boy you now see." 

“Now you may be thinking, ‘Brother Eyring, are you saying that I need to learn to carve?’ The answer is no... there are many ways you can shape children’s hearts without carving wooden boards for them..The height boards I have described are only one way to help young people glimpse the grandeur God sees in them and the unique service He is preparing to give,” 

 “He will help you see how to do it for your children or for other youth. But as you prayerfully seek to glimpse this future for yourself, and then to communicate it to the young person, you will come to know that God knows and loves each of His children as individuals and sees great and unique gifts in each of them.”

I may still do my words, but as I sat pondering Pres. Eyrings incorporation of 
the Word into the dreams he had for his sons, I  couldn't help but reach for my scriptures.

At first I thought, how out of all the marvellous counsel, heavenly admonitions and celestial encouragement could I possibly pick only a verse for each of my boys, one that could encapsulate all my many hopes and dreams for them with their unique and distinct talents and gifts.

But that is the magic of the scriptures. If you need to find a scripture, those pages have a way of helping you. Every time.

Well actually the one I found for Aaron, Doctrine and Covenant 8:6-11,
 I had read a long time ago and felt that it was meant to help me see the "gift" my special son truly is. It was easy because it actually has his name in the verse!


6 Now this is not all thy gift; 
for you have another gift, which is the 
gift of Aaron; 
behold, it has told you many things;

 7 Behold, there is no other power, save the power of God, that can cause this gift of Aaron to be with you.

 8 Therefore, doubt not, for it is the gift of God; and you shall hold it in your hands, and do marvelous works; and no power shall be able to take it away out of your hands, for it is the work of God.

 9 And, therefore, whatsoever you shall ask me to tell you by that means, that will I grant unto you, and you shall have knowledge concerning it.

 10 Remember that without faith you can do nothing; therefore ask in faith. Trifle not with these things; do not ask for that which you ought not.

 11 Ask that you may know the mysteries of God, and that you may translate and receive knowledge from all those ancient records which have been hid up, that are sacred; and according to your faith shall it be done unto you.

Every time I read these verses I am granted more insight into my son and the gifts he offers our family. And me. The comforting assurance that he will be ours-- that no power or influence in this scary world will be able to draw him away from us-- but that we will hold him with us in this life and the next, as long as we strive to qualify with the help of our Saviour. So much about Aaron is about the testing and stretching of our faith. In this way this scripture speaks more to us than directly to Aaron. Ever as I typed this, the word translate jumped out at me and I thought of all that I do to help interpret Aaron's communication, all the work to understand his needs and give him access to his wants. 
In all we do for Aaron, we feel the sacredness of each and every soul, and are compelled to know that without the Lord we are nothing, that without faith we get hopelessly stuck but that with faith we can accomplish anything.



Last week as I was picking these scriptures, I also read Jodi Picoult's House Rules. It's the story of a boy with Asperger's, but the sub-story that captivated me was that of his younger brother, and the mix of emotions that his brother's disability had upon him and the way it so subtly but profoundly affected his daily life and even shaped the formation of his own self-concept. I could (and might yet) write a whole post about my own worries about this, but then I thought of how much revelation I've received about the positive effects Aaron's differences will have upon his siblings, especially McKye, my "psychologically oldest" boy. Do I worry about making sure that McKye isn't over burdened, or feels forced into sacrificing normal things for the sake of his brother? Of course. But am I also certain that any sacrifice, any hardship, any sorrow or pain will be generously compensated tenfold with blessings unmeasured? You bet! 

Planned blessings gained from heavenly orchestrated, perfectly personalized lessons, meant for each of us. As I found McKye's scripture, D & C 6:33-36, just a few pages from Aaron's,  I marvelled at the power of the Atonement to make all things work together for our good.

  33  Fear not to do good, my [son], for whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye also reap; therefore, if ye sow good ye shall also reap good for your reward.

  34 Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail.

  35 Behold, I do not condemn you; go your ways and sin no more; perform with soberness the work which I have commanded you.

  36  Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.

Fear not to good. The Lord will give you everything you need (and more!) as you serve Him and His children. As a mother, I do fear the world's influence on my younger boys, and I felt that the Lord reminded me in this scripture, to just give them a sure foundation. To help them build upon Christ and then trust that no matter what rages against them, they will be able to stand.

This scripture hints at McKye's incredible strength and points to the source of that strength--his faith. A faith that he will need to dispel fear. That the battle ground that will determine his greatness, will be fought in his own mind and heart. That he will need to look unto the Lord, in every thought...and that I need to show him how.

Then there's Levi. Ah, Levi, my third son. 

For him I turned to the wise father, Alma, who also had three sons, whom he gave counsel to. Three very different sons, who all needed a different approach, some harder than others. One who struggled, one who was to lead and one who only needed 15 verses, of which I picked one-- Alma 38:2. I wonder if Shiblon was the third too.

 2 And now, my son, I trust that I shall have great joy in you, because of your steadiness and your faithfulness unto God; for as you have commenced in your youth to look to the Lord your God, even so I hope that you will continue in keeping his commandments; for blessed is he that endureth to the end.

At the end of Levi's last birthday post, I wrote about how he has a innate trust, and I thought it was significant that this scripture revealed my own sense of trust that Levi will just be a good kid. He has already shown such resilience...surviving as the youngest brother in this crazy house, with only so much to give. He gets what he needs, in such a happy independent way, that I find myself trusting him to do that in life too. He has commenced his little life as such a happy, helpful, willing spirit, I know he will continue on it that same strength of character and learn to be as obedient a disciple as he is a son. That through his steadfastness and faith he will find joy and that that will bring me joy as well. 

So my boys, there you have it. I shared these with your dad and he suggested we get them engraved on leather book covers for you. We plan on putting copies of your baby blessings and annual school blessings and then giving them to you when you receive your patriarchal blessings. A place to keep all the things God has revealed to you about who you are and what you are meant to become. 

I hope these scriptures your mother choose will inspire you to discover your gifts and remind you that you were each such a great gift to her. 
Gifts she will ever be thankful for.

"God knows our gifts. My challenge to you and to me is to pray to know the gifts we have been given, to know how to develop them, and to recognize the opportunities to serve others that God provides us. But most of all, I pray that you will be inspired to help others discover their special gifts from God to serve." (Pres. Henry B Eyring)

Meeting Dallin

I could tell.

Not because of the boy’s poor eye contact, or the fidget on the table, or how he grabbed the food from his dad’s plate.

I could tell because of his parents.

I recognized the attempt to mask the constant concern. I knew that familiar feeling of trying to appear relaxed, of faking normalcy while still remaining totally aware.

I could see them glancing, I saw them redirecting his hands, and intercepting the drinks the waiter was placing too close. I saw them take turns going back to the buffet, never leaving their son alone.

Their beautiful son, who had only rice and a cob of corn on his plate.

A cob of corn that sent him  into such familiar giggle fits, it was all I could do not to rush over and hug him.

I did go over.

I almost didn’t. Let them eat in peace, I thought, let them have a meal with out “autism” being the topic, but then I realized autism was already the silent centerpiece.

Plus, once I’d mentioned my suspicion to Ben he’d sorta stared at them, and I needed them to know our connection and not just assume we were curious or rude.

They’d seen us watching. Of course they did…just like I see people who are looking and pretend I don’t.

Later she would tell me “I saw your husband watching, but he had a friendly smile..."

"I just wanted to come over and say hi" I began, having no idea what my opening line was gonna be until it came out my mouth, "because your son, is making me miss my son!"

It could have been awkward I suppose, except, we already new everything about each other.

She knew I barely sleep. I knew she stressed about her other kids getting enough of her. She knew I worry about my son growing stronger than me one day. I knew she'd paid for her child to eat at a buffet at which he would only eat two items, just so they could feel like a regular family.

I saw her husband, busy on his phone (it wasn't only our sons who had things in common), working so that his wife could travel to the states and receive ABA training, so that they could pay for speech and occupational therapies. So they could pay for him to have an aid at school. None of which was provided by the government, which made me remember to be grateful. 

His name was Dallon and he was ten years old. Non-verbal and so full of joy it seems to spill from his twitching hands and flittering eyes. Eyes just like Aaron's---not their color or shape or anything physical  but identical in their enchantment. Eyes that if you are privileged to look directly into make you feel like you might not know anything at all.

As we talked, Dallon leaned over and gave me an “Aaron style kiss”. Letting his lips linger as he breathed me in…exactly the same way Aaron does everyday, if I closed my eyes I was home.

His dad looked initially embarrassed by this sudden affection being offered a stranger, until he saw how much it meant to me. For this little boy to sense that I was safe, that I would understand.

Did he know? Could he sense that I-- by sheer association-- loved him! And considered him remarkable? That when our conversation got interrupted by a beyond loud calypso style band wishing someone a happy birthday, so loud it was overwhelming to those of us without sensory processing issues and I immediately held my breath and hope a wordless prayer that he could handle all the extra stimulation... that when he did (like a little champ) I could have applauded!

Did those parent know how amazing they are?

They both work, so very hard, so they can provide the things I sometimes catch myself treating like mere hassels.

She had so quickly asked me where I was from and what kind of resources were provided there.
 I could tell she wanted to make sure their efforts" measured up."

Oh how I wanted them to know their son was not missing anything. 
That by no means was he hindered in anyway because they don’t have formal “help” .
That their son has everything he needs just by having them to love him.
That they were so very much enough.

And then I thought maybe I should remind myself of that too.

Here was a family who lived in a whole other part of the world and yet who I felt like I knew instantly.

Our sons who struggle to connect, had connected us.

Our amazing sons, who both snatch fries at MacDonald’s from other peoples trays if we're not careful.

Our affection sons, who both love horseback riding and hair (his older sisters smiled when I said that and I wondered how many times they’d sat there letting their little brother stroke their hair, just to make him happy).

Our blissful boys, who both hold water in their mouths when they go down waterslides, just for that extra sensation of spitting it out as they themselves spill out the end! When you live in a world where difference is always so blatantly apparent, a little taste of similarities can feel so soothing.

I love meeting other families who know my life because it is there own, as familiar as a reflection in the mirror. I love seeing their strength, feeling hope, getting to complain about all the stupid PEC pictures cluttering our busy homes! I love knowing they understand what it feels like loving a child in such a desperate way you wonder sometimes if you'll be able to stand it.

Getting to hug that little boy made my whole week. Best part of our whole vacation. 
Which is why once we were back up in our hotel room I grabbed my camera and told Ben I was going back down to find them and take a picture.
And I'm so glad I did because of all the things we did that week, it's Dallin's face I never want to forget.

Maybe I didn't need a picture for that after all. 

2012 Newsletter

I usually do a "New Year's" letter as opposed to Christmas cards because....
well I'm just not that on top of things. 
So instead of getting frustrated with myself,  I decided to do it "on purpose" late. 

This year however, I surprised myself by feeling motivated to type it up early, so it's actually been done for a while. 

Has it been printed or mailed?

Of course not.

But here it is posted, most likely too small to read, but here nevertheless.
If anyone is dying for a hardcopy, you can send me you address, and maybe I'll get it out to you by February ;)

Born to be our friend and other powerful carol truths

I joked to a friend tonight as I swayed back and forth humming Silent Night that I was self medicating on Christmas carols...it was only sorta a joke. 

When I came up stairs to see my Christmas tree lying on the ground, with Aaron happily jumping on the couches, oblivious too his mother's dismay, I knew it was a good thing I was headed to the Stake Choir Festival tonight. 

A good does of excelsis deos was just what I needed. 




I love singing Christmas carols with my primary kids. I taught them the sign language (that I learned when I was their age!) for Silent Night...they were so carful to get all the movements just right, their little hands rocking invisible babies and their little arms rolling up into heaven before coming down in a perfect gesture of peace. 
It was so... serene (which is not always the word I'd use to describe our active primary:)

After church at choir one of my friends boys were playing near by when we began practising a beautiful arrangement of Silent Night and Jesus Once of Humble Birth-- oh the moment he heard those opening chords, he started silently signing along, with a sweet  smile on his face. Made me so happy, seeing him notice and connect to that classic carol.  

Especially once I watched this BYU-TV movie Silent Night.

In the movie the character Joseph Morh talks a lot about the power of music to help us feel the hope of the Saviour. That is exactly what Christmas music does for me, it proclaims the joy that that our Lord, Jesus Christ came! That He fulfilled the plan of Redemption so that we might hope, that we might learn and grow and forgive and change, and find peace, comfort and joy. It makes me feel the hope and joy of the gospel of Christ, and reminds me that my Saviour is real and that He knows me.

So even if it's some cheesy soft rock version playing on the radio, I am continually taken aback by how full of truth the carols are, how inspired and bold they are not only in proclaiming Christ's divinity at His birth, but declaring that He will come again and Reign.

I love hearing prophecies of restoration within theses hymns written during the reformation by men who loved the Lord and were such instruments in His hands.I feel a kinship with those shepherds who went forth to tell the world of a babe, seeking believing hearts to liten to their message, just as our missionaries do today. I feel a kinship with those angels, singing gloria and hosanna's, not only because Christ came in the meridian of time but because He would  continue to connect men and angels in holy temples in the Latter-Days as well, as we work to continue to fulfil his word and his work, and "Hasten the time" that all will see Him return, no longer a lowly babe in swaddling clothes, but our King, clothed in majesty and mercy, this time to "reign personally upon the earth" (Aof F 10) when again "saints and angels" will sing and "greet him with anthems sweet", because our hearts will be full of praise and gratitude...and maybe even a few Christmas carol lyrics. 

Today I am thankful for the powerful music of Christmas and their message of joy.

Joy to the World
the Lord is come.
He'll come and make the blessing flow

Jesus, to thee be all glory giv'n.
Come adore on bended knee

the dawn of Redeeming Grace
Christ, the Saviour is born.
Born is the King of Israel!

This, this is Christ the King.

Strains of Redeeming love
Message of mercy

When our eyes at last she see Him, Through His own Redeeming Love


How silently the wondrous gift is giv'n
So God imparts to human hearts the blessings of His heav'n

To save us all from Satan's power When we were gone astray

To free all those who trust in Him From Satan's power and might

Still their Heavenly music floats 
O'er all the weary world
Ev'r ore it babels sounds, the blessed angels sing.

Shall not cease til holy peace,  in all the earth is growing.

Proclaim  the holy birth!

Where meek souls will recieve him still, the dear Christ enters in.
Let loving hearts enthrone Him.

Be near my Lord Jesus, 
I ask Thee to stay close by me forever. 

Fit us for Heaven.

Ris'n with healign in His wings.
Born that man no more may die.

Nails, spear shall pierce Him through,
The cross be borne for me, for you.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining. 

Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth. 

With glowing hearts 

by His cradle we stand. 

He knows our need, 

our weakness is no stranger.

In all our trials born to be our friend. 

to be my friend
my King.
my Savoir and Redeemer.

How grateful I am for the Lord Jesus Christ, born in a manger, born to be my friend. 
Or as Mr. Kruger put it "my closest, finest friend....thank you, thank-you."

Monday report

Fever-filled weekend, with not enough sleep and too many tears (kids and me!) 

has made our Monday a doozy. Survival mood, is an understatement.

I reluctantly got off the phone with my friend who despite her rather significant problems had spent the whole morning listening to me rant about my silly ones!

The kids were wrestling in the bath (anyone else grateful baths are semi-containing?) I grabbed my laptop so I could read through that report I was complaining about in my last EVER SO LONG post (sorry 'bout that!)

I was feeling low. Didn't want to re-read the report at all. Kinda wanted to crawl into bed and cry. 

But apparently I'm suppose to avoid that (plus I already did it once this morning).

And then on the first page I read under "Family Strengths":

"They have strong religious beliefs which give them the faith and the strength to keep trying."

So I guess I better keep trying, huh!?!?

Then I read this from my brother in law who seems to be getting rather wise over in Africa.

... I am learning a lot about how forgiving and patient God and
Jesus Christ are with us. There are COUNTLESS times I didn't do
something I knew I was suppose to do and where I messed up, and there
are countless times NOW where I forget or I'm too tired or think of
some excuse, or even do something that doesn't even cross my mind that
is wrong. And every time Heavenly Father forgives me and lets me start
over. He is the definition of patient and long suffering. No wonder we
have to develop these qualities while we are here on earth. So be
patient in your trials and be willing to submit to the things that are
happening in our lives. Because if there are no problems we are not
becoming like Him. And wouldn't it be awful if we spent our
probationary time here on earth and completely wasted it? Not wasting
it by not keeping his commandments, but wasted it because we didn't
grow?

Keep trying. Grow. Forgive. Be Patient.  

All very hard things for a Monday:) 

Good thing my strong religious beliefs give me the faith and strength to keep trying:)